I was crying the entire weekend. I was crying while on the cab, while drinking tea, while taking shower and so on. I cry every now and then, at any random moment, for as long as I remember Beastie, the 2 year old beagle.
I was sitting somewhere in the dining area while I was being told how she looked like before she died. Her legs were heavy that she could not walk, she couldn’t move her head and she just have to give signal thru her expressive eyes. It was the same dining area where I remember rubbing her tummy while she was wearing her Santa Claus costume.
Beastie was not the most obedient dog, she’s very stubborn but very adorable.
She’s quite sociable too. When we took her to Eastwood for the PAWS event, she even had her photo taken along with a Husky, an older Beagle and a Scottish Terrier. She was very very tired that day. But I guess she had fun because I did.
I remember when the breeder kissed her goodbye before placing her on the puppy bag we bought weeks ahead. She did not stay long on that bag as I carried her on my lap on the way home. The next day, I was crying on the floor when she started to rub her tiny self on my feet with a quiet whimper. I sat next to her and she rested her head on my legs, still doing that comforting whimper. While I type this, I remember that maybe that was the feeling John Grogan was writing about when he wrote that eulogy to his Labrador, Marley.
There are many beautiful memories of Beastie that I can recall, but I guess those would not amount to the whatever Case and his family had with her. They gave her a home and took care of her more than I did. Every dog owner knows the feeling when a dog awaits your return, they would start waggling their tails at the mere smell of your presence and jump right at you upon greeting. I never had this kind of moment with her, but someone did. I also cry at the thought of that it will not happen again, not with the same dog.
But there are times that I just had to blame her death to someone. She was my gift to that someone to begin with.
I hope to immortalize her in this post and in every photo of her that I put on the internet. It was an awful lost of a beloved soul, but her death also signals the things that will no longer happen, the relationship that will never mend and the excessive amount of time crying as I attempt let her go along with her owner.